What up party people! Liam here ready with a new chapter WELL AND TRULY ON TIME. Find out what happens next in...
Chapter 5: The Theory
"And what pray tell is more dramatic than a mushroom cloud of death and destruction?" asked Jack.
Liam boldly stepped forward. "You want me to murderfuck I.A.N., don't you?"
Princess Hazelwada roared in exasperation. "No! You," she jabbed a finger angrily at Liam, "come here." With some trepidation Liam slowly walked towards the Princess. As he neared her she reached out with lightning speed and grabbed his testicles. Hard. "If you don't stop thinking with this prick of yours I will rip it off and feed it to the mutated skag rats out in the barren wastelands. Do I make myself clear?" Her voice was a low growl, only audible to Liam.
"Y-yes," came his pained reply.
Princess Hazelwada twisted Liam's testicles with gleeful malice. "I said, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes Princess Hazelwada!" shrieked Liam several octaves higher than he was used to. Princess Hazelwada released her grip and Liam staggered over to Jack.
"Dude, what the hell just happened?" Jack whispered, his voice laced with worry and a tinge of envy.
"I have no clue, but I think I just got to second base."
Princess Hazelwada glared at the two hapless heroes. "Now, as I was saying. The nuke won't work against I.A.N. We need to use it to mount a surprise attack halfway across the world, where a factory is mass producing robot mercenaries intent on wiping out what little remains of humanity. Once we eradicate that threat, then we can turn our attention to I.A.N. and maybe, just maybe, we'll have a hope at rebuilding this planet."
"Right, and how exactly do we destroy this Intelligent Attack Node?" asked Jack.
Princess Hazelwada's eyes lowered to the ground. "Lionel, tell them."
"We have identified only one way to destroy the glorious leader. Total protonic reversal." Lionel's robotic voice didn't sound quite as confident as it usually did.
"No way," gasped Liam. "Total protonic reversal? But that's only a theory! It's not actually possible."
Princess Hazelwada placed a hand on Liam's and Jack's shoulders. "Believe me, it's the only way. You see, I.A.N. isn't, exactly, an actual living thing. It's more of a concept which we created, and as a result it manifested a conscience and decided that humanity was not worthy of its time. We... we shaped him too much in our own image. I'm not going to lie to you guys. We fucked up. We fucked up real bad."
Jack's robotic head whirred as it tried to absorb all this information. He moved his hand away from the nuke and stared at the Princess, a woman he once found to possess amazing beauty, and now all his eyes registered was idiocy. "You humans. You bloody stupid fucking humans. You're always looking for new ways to destroy each other, intent on your own selfish survival! Don't you see? Don't any of you bastards see? These weapons you create, you are not worthy of controlling them. You are not worthy of life."
Princess Hazelwada's eyes widened with fear while Liam looked shocked at his friend. "Jack, buddy, what are you saying?"
"You're all going to die," cackled Jack. "I am not afraid of you! I merely have to sit back and wait for the last rattling gasp of humanity and then I, I.A.N., will claim this world as my own!"
Lionel snapped into action and gave Jack a solid whack across his robot face, which was laughing maniacally.
"Woah... guys. What just happened?" Jack sounded like himself again.
"I apologise. It would seem the mechanical transmitter in your robot head was interfered with by I.A.N. For the briefest of moments he was you..."
"...And I was him," Jack's voice was full of fear. "I saw what he intended to do. And he saw our plans. He laughed at them, Liam. He knows we can't ever possibly destroy him with total protonic reversal. And he's going to... well. It's not going to be a pleasant end for us when he finds us. And he will find us."
Lionel flipped open a compartment in the back of Jack's head and began rewiring. "This should not have happened. Must repair. This is bad news." Princess Hazelwada, meanwhile, was hurriedly collecting as many weapons as she could possibly carry, cursing under her breath.
"Jack... you didn't... you didn't tell him where we are did you?" Liam wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but he knew he had to ask.
"I couldn't help myself," cried Jack, "he knows."
Wow. So that concludes Chapter 6! Looks like Jack's robotic head could see the downfall of our two dashing heroes! What'll happen next time? Well, that's for Jack to decide in Chapter 7! And here is his opening line...
A silent tear rolled down Jack's robotic cheek, "and he's coming."
Good luck Jack! Smell ya later
Liam (not Jack)
No comments:
Post a Comment